Reflecting on 10 years of marriage......

What is love? I work in a nursing home where I encounter many love stories. Old men and women that have pictures and stories of a marriage that lasted 50 or 60 years, some even longer. It's funny when you can walk past a room at night and hear the wife harping on the husband to eat his snack, or shut the light off and go to bed. I guess when you are older and sick you want to reflect and relive all the happy moments and when they tell their happy stories, it is touching. But the cynical person in me can't help but wonder and then I feel like asking-How many days did you want to choke the living shit out of each other?? No relationship that lasts 5+ decades can be without its trials, even its moments of pure torture. Those are the stories I would rather hear. Those are the endearing sentiments I want to revel in. I want to know about the hurt, heartache, and the hope. That's what gives me hope. I am starting to realize what keeps people married that long. It's the familiarity, it's crawling in bed each night and having that warm body there. That man that in his sleep puts his feet near yours to keep them warm. He unconsciously rolls over to cuddle you. Waking up and having the smell of him there on his pillow, hours after he has left for work. These things are love, and at least to me the most important parts of love. We are lead to believe growing up that it's kisses that take your breathe away, roses, and diamonds. And sometimes it is. But more often than not it is the sound of my son squealing DADDY as my husband walks in the door from work. The smell of supper cooking, and the sounds of kids fighting. It's walking past my son's bedroom door late at night to see him cuddled up with Daddy in the rocking chair, both asleep. Having the same thought at the exact same time, finishing each others sentences, and laughing at stupid things that only we would understand. These things are love. So yes, some days I want to kill this man I am bonded to for life. But then he makes it so hard to stay mad at him, and this is love. So why would I think that I could get that just anywhere? Silly me, because that's love too. So confusing, surprising, sad, and beautiful all at the same time.