Longing for simplicity......

As the days go by, and I don't feel any better, I have started to wonder.  How much did I let life get in the way of happy?  Or how much did I let all the outside things in life affect how I felt about the important things I cherish.? I fear we have let the daily grind get to us.  The stresses of jobs, money or the lack there of, insurance, medical problems, and debt.  I know it is hard to not let those things get to you.  But I think on all the years we talked about taking family vacations, talked about doing this or that, and never did any of it.  Would it have mattered?  I don't know.  But I can say, that if we can weather through this storm, I am damn well going to start doing those things.  Working less, enjoying life more.  Seems the more money we make the less we have anyway.  The costs of living are rising faster than any raises I ever seem to get.  I am angry at myself for the years wasted, the opportunities lost.  I just hope it's not too late......

Frustration.....

Why is it that once you make a decision in your life, everyone feels the need to "weigh in" on it.  Questioning my sanity, my judgement, my parenting abilities?  And you call me your "friend"?  Have you felt this way about me our whole friendship, or just recently?  Way to give a girl the warm fuzzies.  So, to anyone who is worried about me.  Anyone who thinks I am selfish, stupid, or a bad parent.  Thanks for all your concern and unsolicited advice...or should I say no thanks.  I have spent years agonizing, crying, begging, and just plain old second guessing myself.  Making a decision to dismantle a LIFE is not one I take lightly.  Systematically taking apart 13 years of life that I had a huge hand in building saddens me, of course it does.  Sometimes, though, change is necessary.  Sometimes, sadly, things don't work out.  Or they can't be fixed.  NO one knows every detail of me, who I am, or what I feel.  NO one knows what it is like to live a day in my life, except me.  And no one has to take this journey and deal with it's consequences, except me.  What is fun about packing your life into boxes?  Looking through pictures, and wondering what the hell even happened?  Where did this all go wrong?  I don't find joy in any of it.  I am scared out of my mind.  I am questioning every move, every feeling, every moment.  I guess this is one of those times you find out who your friends are.  And I have to say, if you can't support me, then just leave me alone.