Tuesday, June 22, 2010

I fell flat on my face, now all I have to do is get back up.......

Obviously, I have been bad, bad, bad the past few weeks.  I haven't been posting, which is a huge part of keeping me accountable.  I have eaten what I wanted for the most part.  Drank what I wanted, and gained about 5 lbs in the process.  I am struggling to find motivation right now, and when I start to not care, I just want to eat.  I keep telling myself, I will start again on Monday.  Then Monday rolls around and I change that to Tuesday, and so far the day hasn't come.  I know that I am still a long way from goal, and I want to get there.  I just don't want to have to do the work.  Another aspect of my personality I loathe. 
I get gung ho about something, I fly high for a while, I am always very successful, then I lose motivation and I crash and burn.  I don't want to do that this time.  I know there will be hills as part of this journey and I just need to get up and start walking for the top if I want to see the other side.  Even if it is slow, which it has been, it is worth it.  I am typing that right now, not even sure if I believe it myself.  The other half of me just wants to go for broke and say *&%$ it!  But I guess what they say is true.  Life is less about the destination and more about the journey.  I have learned so much about myself through this.  And I know I CAN do it, and I know I WANT to do it, now all I have to do is DO it.

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