Life happens.....

Wow, seems like it's been forever since I wrote. I have been consumed with myself lately. I am not feeling up to par, so I get lazy and I don't do much of anything much less write. I have for most of my life ridden the roller coaster of my moods, and lately I can't seem to get over the humps so to speak. This winter when things felt really bad, I went to talk therapy and I lasted about 2 sessions. I have done a lot of therapy in my life, and I hate to say this, but I often wonder if it really helps. I hate talking about stuff that is over and done with, analyzing and over thinking everything as I regurgitate it to a therapist. I mean, hell, I do enough over thinking without the therapists help. I have long been opposed to any mood enhancing "meds" but I am starting to think that I have struggled with this long enough. Maybe it is time to say I need the help, and just take it. Perhaps it would lead to the peace I am craving so badly. I would love to go one day without feeling the crippling anxiety, constant mood swings, and overall bad mood that I seem to now have daily. I want to be happy, or at least feel that happiness is attainable. I have so much in my life that should bring me joy, but instead I get bogged down in the negative. I always have a glass half empty. I am so tired of what feels like a daily struggle to crawl out of a hole, I am constantly tired and have no energy. I want to have energy, I want to want to do things. I want to start enjoying life. I think it's about time........